Vicky Kaushal's Bold Statement: 'Being Nice Is Overrated'

According to perception therapist Vivek Vashist, “Being nice is often not an act of genuine will but a response trained by society. It is a social construct that rewards conformity and politeness, not authenticity. From childhood, we are told that being agreeable means being good, and over time, this conditioning becomes second nature. What we call niceness, therefore, is often a way to keep peace, avoid discomfort, and protect an image of ourselves that feels acceptable to others.” Niceness as a coping mechanism When examined closely, niceness serves as a coping mechanism, emphasises Vasist. “It allows a person to bypass messiness, conflict, or emotional exposure. The behaviour continues as long as the situation does not directly affect the individual. The moment something personal is at stake, the façade often slips, showing that the niceness was not rooted in inner conviction but in social maintenance.” Niceness also reflects one’s sense of control. A person who feels emotionally balanced can choose to respond with calm and care. Someone who is psychologically, emotionally, or physically deprived struggles to do the same. Just as hunger makes one irritable, emotional depletion makes niceness fragile. “True calm comes from self-regulation, not image control,” added Vashist. Suppressing emotions in the name of being nice Emotions are not disturbances to be controlled; they are mirrors that show us where we stand in our growth. Vashist explained, “Anger points to where we are still wounded, fear signals the edge of our ambition, and grief shows what we are still holding on to. Each emotion carries intelligence. When we suppress them under the idea of being nice, we disconnect from this inner compass.” Being nice often becomes a social performance—a learned behaviour that values peace over truth. It keeps relationships and images intact but quietly erases authenticity. “When anger, sadness, or vulnerability are hidden behind politeness, they don’t disappear. They only lose oxygen. These unexpressed emotions stay alive beneath the surface, stored in the body, particularly in the muscles and tissues that hold memory. Over time, the body becomes the dam for what the mind refuses to feel,” elaborated Vashist. Story continues below this ad Suppression might seem like strength, but it is survival in disguise. It leads to emotional numbness, chronic tension, and, over time, psychosomatic pain. True calm is not born from control; it comes from allowing movement without judgment. Healthy ways to express our “real” emotions Healthy emotional expression begins with understanding that emotions are not who we are, but what we experience, said Vashist. “The first step is to trace where the emotion is coming from. Most reactions are not born in the moment; they are triggered by something that already lives within us. He added, “The second step is to name what you feel accurately. Language shapes awareness. Saying “I am angry” makes anger your identity, but saying “I am feeling anger” separates you from it. It gives the emotion form without giving it control. This distance creates space for reflection, allowing you to listen to what the emotion is trying to communicate. Anger might be saying, “My boundary was crossed.” Sadness might be saying, “I have lost something I cared for.” Naming gives emotion language, and language gives it movement.” Third, it’s not wrong to feel unwell; it’s wrong to deny it. “Authentic expression begins with acceptance. Pretending everything is fine keeps the emotion trapped. Acknowledging discomfort without dramatising it releases pressure. Saying “I’m not okay right now” or “This is heavy for me” turns emotion into truth instead of performance,” concluded Vashist.