Linus Ullmark Breaks Silence on Personal Leave: 'Lost Myself'

COLUMBUS, Ohio — Linus Ullmark revealed he took a personal leave of absence from the Ottawa Senators for mental health reasons in an interview with TSN’s Claire Hanna that aired Tuesday afternoon. Ullmark discussed a variety of topics in the interview, including how rumors about why he left the team affected him. “It takes one rumor to make you feel like everything that you’ve worked for and that everything that you stand for is ruined,” Ullmark said. “And that is really f—ing hard, and nothing that I wish anyone upon that.” The 32-year-old goaltender hasn’t played a game for the Senators since Dec. 27 against the Toronto Maple Leafs, when he was pulled after allowing four goals on 14 shots in a 7-5 loss. Ullmark said his mental health struggles date back to when he was traded to Ottawa from Boston in June 2024, and that those struggles weren’t “dealt with in the right way,” leading to issues “piling” on. Ullmark also mentioned being familiar with depression and sadness since his father’s passing in January 2021. The Toronto game last month, Ullmark said, was the tipping point. “It comes a time, and you never know when the cup starts to overflow,” Ullmark said. The netminder said he experienced anxiety before the game and during the first intermission, before eventually being pulled from the game. Afterward, Ullmark said he contacted a health professional from the NHL/NHLPA player assistance program and decided to take a personal leave from the team. “I’m f—ed up,” Ullmark said. “I need help.” Ullmark said he was told by the Senators’ communications staff that rumors about the reason for the netminder’s absence began swirling less than 24 hours after his leave was announced. He said he initially laughed it off before a number of people reached out to him to question the rumors’ validity. When he spoke to the team’s vice president of communications about the rumor, Ullmark said he was “furious.” “And people wonder why hockey players, professional athletes, are not talking,” Ullmark said. “Why we’re not showing any sort of emotions. Why mental health in men and in women are a stigma. It took them less than 24 hours from my absence of leave to try to find reasons (as) to why I’m gone. Saying that I’m a home wrecker. A person that no one likes on the team. And I can’t defend myself. I didn’t know about this until days later. “And it sucks because I have a family. I have a wife, I have kids. I get sent text messages asking, like, ‘Hey, are you guys good?’ I’m like, ‘Yeah, why? And then they tell you about the rumors. And you’re like, ‘What the f— is wrong with people?’ Rumors about the reason for Ullmark’s absence were also posted online, prompting Senators general manager and president of hockey operations Steve Staios to release a statement on Jan. 8, calling out “trolls and sick people” for spreading “fabricated and false stories online.” Ullmark’s teammates also spoke in defense of the goaltender and Staios days after the statement was released; he called their reactions “heartwarming.” “Getting sent the message that Steve and the organization put out was incredible,” Ullmark said. “And then to hear all the nice things that the guys said in the locker room after coming home from that trip. Because all I’m thinking during this time is: ‘What are they thinking about me?’ Everybody knows it’s untrue, but is this going to put doubts in their mind that I’m not who I am and I’m someone else that I’m trying to be?” Ullmark rejoined the Senators last Monday and said he felt “nervous” upon seeing his teammates again, but was ultimately welcomed back with open arms. “It made me very emotional in a good way,” Ullmark said. “A lot of the doubts and a lot of the demons that I had coming into the rink just left the building. And now, the (Canadian Tire Centre) didn’t become a place where I was afraid of (it) and feeling anxiety about entering. It became the place I know where there’s a lot of warmth, there’s a lot of love and there’s a lot of joy as well.” That anxiety, Ullmark said, stemmed from self-doubt and questioning who he was. “I felt like I lost myself,” Ullmark said. “I didn’t know who I was at the time.” Ullmark took the time to thank his wife, Moa, various mental health care professionals, members of the Senators organization and Tampa Bay Lightning defenseman and countryman Victor Hedman for helping him through his mental health struggles. The Senators also invited Ullmark’s old Swedish goalie coach, Maciej Szwoch, to spend time with him in Ottawa. Since Ullmark’s return, he’s been skating with his teammates and joined the team on their three-game road trip. The Senators played in Detroit on Sunday before traveling to Columbus. The teams will meet at Nationwide Arena on Tuesday night before Ottawa travels to Nashville to face the Predators on Thursday night. Despite being with the team, however, there is no firm timeline for when Ullmark will play another game. “I’m not ready yet,” Ullmark said. “This is just a step along the way.” Ullmark is in the first year of a four-year, $33 million contract extension signed in October 2024, months after the Senators acquired him via trade from Boston. He has a 14-8-5 record with a 2.95 goals-against average and an .881 save percentage in 28 games with the Senators this season. The one-time NHL All-Star won the Vezina and Jennings Trophies during the 2022-23 season as a member of the Bruins and represented Team Sweden at the 4 Nations Face-Off last February. Ullmark said that by sharing his struggles publicly, he hopes it will help him heal. “I just wanted to feel whole again,” Ullmark said. “I wanted to be me. “I wanted to be (and) feel like myself again.”